Log in

30 March 2007 @ 10:08 pm
Who Ginny Weasley, Michael Corner
Where Outside the Great Hall
When 30th March, tonight.
Why because Michael asked her to show and she has to talk to him. which never really turns out well.
prewritten on Yahoo!Messenger

She had remembered. Oh, with dreadful shuddering and tears that wouldn't stop falling, she remembered that he had requested to meet her in front of the Great Hall. She dared to, of course. He held the very last piece to her puzzle of destruction - had he chose to fill it in, it would be a picture of disaster for the rest of her being. With careful steps, she descended to the first floor.

It was cold and quiet - or maybe that way because she wasn't in good spirits - nevertheless she approached their meeting spot. He was already standing there. She felt like she was coming in close contact with death. Like she was trying to stick her hand in the throat of a hungry dragon. Like she was approaching the edge of a cliff. One wrong move and it was all over. Ginny couldn't retain herself. She moved over, leaning against the wall.

"You have something to explain, explain it. You want to tell me why you were such a bastard to me just to get what you want, you better fucking tell me now. You want to tell me why you were so mean? Why you had to go and fuck around like that? I'm fucking listening, Michael. I've always been fucking listening."

Michael looked at her, his hands at his sides. All of the emotions he had felt that night had been stoppered off ever since then. He had never felt a raging desire for anyone like he had for her that night and now, he was feeling it all over again. The desire to have her as his. The desire to have her child. The desire for her. But that's not what was going on. She had just told him that he had probably damaged something that was important to her.

He sneered at the father. Of course, Blaise. How the odds turned out so crazily, he didn't know. He rested a hand next to her head and leaned in. "I didn't fuck around with you to be mean. I just wanted you to see how much more you can have from me. What you really make me feel. You don't make me feel like laughing, Ginny. You make me want to scream and throw a fit and just..." he turned away from her, unable to look. Careful not to retrace the same mistake. He had already paid for that.

She trembled as he spoke to her. His words shattered her and his looks were scaring her from the inside out. Had Ginny not been bent on talking to him, she would have broken down and forced him away from her. But tears jolted her eyes open as she looked at him.

"How can you tell me you want to give me something? You want me to have something from you?" Her voice was becoming steadily crescendo as she glared. "How can you stand here, like a normal fucking person, and tell me that all you wanted was me!?"

She, walking around, looked him in the eyes. Staring at him, deeply. Until something clicked. It snapped shut and she pushed him back, watching him stumble. "You could have had me a long time ago, Michael." She shook her head, glaring.

"This hurts," She said, wrapping her arms around her stomach. "Living with this feeling that even though it could have been yours, it isn't and no matter how badly you hurt me, I can't pin my hurt on you...that fucking hurts." She glanced directly at him, unable to stop her word flow. "You changed so badly. I trusted you, I gave you a second chance and you do this. You destroy me, emotionally and physically. I let you do it, but you should have never jumped for the chance."

This was what she wanted. She wanted him to lose him composure. He had clearly made a move not to look at her, not to allow himself to fall in the pit to her. Yet she clearly wanted him to fall inferior to her. He let her push him. With swift movements, he caught one of her hands and pulled her close to him, close enough to kiss her, but he didn't. He had self control.

"Do want to get me fucking started?! A long time ago, Ginny, but this is now. I've been dormant, I've been reclusive. I haven't been exerting myself places I don't belong, except with you. Because somewhere I think that maybe - just maybe - you would realise that I was trying to tell you something. Had you not been so fucking stupid about it, you would have known. You would have easily been able to recognise me. But you were too caught up to see it. I practically spelled that I wanted you in my fucking eyes. Don't you dare pin naivety on me. If I couldn't have you, of course I was going to destroy you. Fucking Blaise," He said, pushing the redheaded girl back away from him. He felt suddenly scorched by her.

Suddenly, the thought of not being able to have her disgusted him and the fact that she didn't care at all wound him up. "Zabini! How lovely that you choose to destroy me. Clearly, for a fact, Ginny. I know that he has told you about my feelings. You never even fucking bothered to notice that I went with you to the costume masquerade. That doesn't tell you anything? You kissed me. While in well mind. How did I surprise you?! And I'm sure you would have found a logical reason to pin your hurt on me. Why can't you do it now?"

Michael glared adamantly at her. How could she say this, she had plainly ignored all of the other facts. How could she try and blame more on him that he had even did. He wasn't sick and distorted like everyone loved to believe. He just went for what he wanted. Ginny wasn't going to escape him.

"Don't even bring that up." She said, in memory of the masquerade. In memory of all of the times that were going through her head. All of the times where Michael had clearly, now that she thought about it, expressed his feelings. A sense of stupidity washed over her.

"None of this is my fault! Don't blame it on me not listening! You went too far! You pressed until there was nothing left! There is nothing! Not a thing for me to recount on about that event where you showed that what you were doing was unsurprising. You raped me, Michael! You raped me! Do you know how that sounds? Do you have any idea to a general reaction to that?! People generally don't like that. They don't."

Sighing, she didn't even comment about Blaise. The subject of her boyfriend made her sick to her stomach with betrayal and twisted guilt. Even when it wasn't her fault. "I can't pin it on you! Because no matter what you did, the result was not your fault! I'm pregnant. I wish I could say it was yours and hate you for ruining my life. But it's not. And I sure as hell would like to blame you for it, but I could never blame Blaise. I could always say it was my fault, but I can't do that for you. I can't say it was my fault for ignoring signs that I didn't want to see. Ignoring feelings that I didn't want to admit to."

Which she just had. "I did feel something, Michael. Not as drastic as being willing to sleep with you. I care too much about my relationship. I would destroy Blaise had I done it. I would have destroyed myself had I believed I could have gotten away with it." Breathing deeply, she turned her eyes to him with looks of hatred. They burned with the emotions that were displaying across her face.

He let a grim smile cross his features. It was the wrong time for a smile, making it grim, but a smile nonetheless. "None of this is your fault! That is certainly amusing. Had you been a guide to your feelings! Had you promised yourself to stay true to your indulgences, I'd like to bet my soul that you would have never looked in the certain direction of Blaise Zabini! So let us not start on that topic! Fuck, Ginny! I don't think, even from my point of view, that being the bastard he is, that he deserves anyone like you."

"You're detrimental. You certainly know how to destroy someone, from inside their minds to the outside. You definitely know how to switch conversation from being at fault to putting someone else at fault. And I wish I could validly tell Zabini to leave while he has the chance. He doesn't deserve to be lied to. I'm sure you never told him about these so called reciprocated feelings. About your reasoning and about your fucking kiss. About how we would sit together and you would tell me about him and how you felt he kept things from you. How you wondered why you stayed with him and knew nothing about him. How do you think that would make things better? And, oh! It makes my heart dance now that I know the child is his. That just makes my life better."

"Because I would have wished absolute hell on anyone by giving them your child. And you say cheating would have destroyed yourself and Blaise. But you know what would have destroyed it more than hurting Blaise or believing you could have gotten away with it? The fact that you wanted to do it in the first place." He laughed loudly and resonatingly. He had no more sympathy to give for her. He had already messed up by first pursuing her and secondly by not giving up. He wasn't going to feel sorry for her now.

All of Michael's words were true. Completely and utterly true. Everything he had told her about herself. Everything he had assumed about her feelings for Blaise. Everything he had just recited in an angry rambling of words out of frustration...it was true. What was she supposed to say? Even Ginny had enough sense to stop herself from living inside of a lie. "I never destroyed anyone or anything. Just because you can't have me, it doesn't mean I--"

She couldn't. She couldn't finish what she was about to say. It was wrong, completely wrong. Michael had pointed out all of her flaws and here she was, a moment away from giving into his accusations. A second away from giving into him. "I don't love you, okay?! That's all you need to know. My relationship with Blaise is none of your fucking business. It never was, even when we were friends. And how you considered us friends, but all during that time you plotted against me. What a friend you were, Michael. What a friend." His laugh chilled her. She shuddered, walking away from him.

Anger rose in Michael's throat. It infiltrated his whole body and he snapped into miniscule pieces, grasping Ginny's forearm and whirling around. With little patience, he slammed her back against the wall, ignoring the cry he had issued from her mouth. "What a friend?!" He nearly screamed at her. "What a friend, tell me! What kind of friend leads her friend on! What kind of friend allows the border between friends and lovers to be broken! What kind of friend is disloyal to someone she supposedly loves just to have some time with someone who she is supposed to have a simply platonic relationship!"

Moving away from her, he threw his arms into the air. "What a fucking friend!" Agitated, he ran a hand through his hair. He had allowed himself to feel. He had gotten angry and taken it out on her. It was about time. She deserved it. With nothing left to say to her, he turned and walked away from her. HIs mind circled the topics of their conversation. She was pregnant. He laughed hollowly. Good. It felt good to see that it wasn't because of him. That his attack had done nothing but leave an emotional imprint on her. He returned to his Common Room to gather his things for the journey away from Hogwarts.

When he had taken hold of her and pulled her back, she had screamed, her head colliding with the wall. A bruise already was forming - she knew from the throbbing in the back of her head. Tears welled in her eyes as she lost her voice. All she could do was stare disdainfully into Michael's eyes. Questions forming through her head.

What was she doing to herself? Why had she done this in the first place? When he had gone away from her, tears fell from her eyes as she slid to the floor, overcome by her pain. What if's assaulted her and only brought on more pain and tears. She covered her eyes, tears collecting in her palms.

She completely deserved what she had been receptive to. Michael was right. What a friend she had been. She couldn't help let her thoughts shift to Harry's comment about her pregnancy. There were more doubts in her mind of whether she was going to allow this to happen. Blaise would be destroyed. More destroyed than she had felt she had wreaked upon him. He had suffered to put up with her mistrust. Her doubts.

All of her questions against him when she was really the one who should not have been trusted. All of this going on behind his back. He should have known. Tears puddled at her feet as she continued to think about her mistakes. Blaise most definitely did not deserve what she was doing to him. He didn't deserve her lying or her mistrust. He could have easily moved on from her. And it hurt more that she loved him. Had she truly shown affection, Michael would have never been a factor. Ever.

She didn't deserve to be a mother. She didn't deserve to be allowed to be happy after what she had done. She wanted to take herself from everyone's life right there. She wanted to stop interfering with everyone's happiness. She wanted to stop throwing her load of emotions at Blaise like she always had. She didn't remember when she had stopped producing tears, but she did know that she had been dry sobbing and coughing for a while. Empty and broken, Ginny sat in the hallway, refusing to return to the Common Room. This was it. No more left for her.
{mood}: dirtydirty